Thursday, August 2, 2012

Zero Tolerance. And. Anxiety

We have implemented a zero tolerance policy on violence in our home. I know that boys will be boys, but I can't handle it any more. We are taking a break from violence. If the boys kick or hit or bite each other out of anger, they go immediately into timeout with no warnings. Usually it's just constant bickering and wrestling and hitting when they are tired in the afternoons and we've been kind of lenient about it. You know, basically making them deal with the consequences unless we see a real injustice or danger going on. No more! Now we are zero tolerance. We have to teach the kids not to "flash bang" and we're going to teach them while they are nice and young and malleable. We also took away all the lightsabers and swords, because even when they play with them just in fun, somebody always gets hurt accidentally, gets pissed about it and whacks the other one. So those are gone too. We left the nerf guns because nobody ever seems to get hurt with those. But they are on probation too!
This Saturday we are delivering our children to their grandparents for a week away. This is the first time we've ever sent them to stay with their grandparents when we weren't going anywhere and it's the longest I've ever been away from them. I know this is a good thing, because the grandparents have been asking for a long time and the kids are so excited about it and I know that they will have a great time. I know that it will be good for Michael and I to have some time just experiencing daily life without the kids and to enjoy that freedom. And they've been driving me crazy lately and I'm sure it will be good for us to have a break.
I am going to miss them so much! And I have this deep seated fear that they will die when I'm not with them which is totally ridiculous, but it's still a fear. It's an old fear too, because when I was a kid I was totally convinced that if I left my parents for camp or a sleepover then they would die. I've just transferred my anxiety.
Last night I dreamed we went on vacation and I realized once I got there that I had left a two year old Sam at home in our house with no one to take care of him. And then when I tried to find a friend to go by and bring him food, they couldn't find anything dairy free. I woke up a basket case.
Totally. Ridiculous.
But I've still made Davis and Sam promise to call me every day. And I may come get them half way through.
I know it will be wonderful. Wonderful for them and for their grandparents and for us. Wonderful. I've just got to get over myself.


Robyn said...


Our guys are away from us for the first time ever too. They are out in the country with my aunt/uncle....for 3 weeks! We are visiting them on the weekends and we are sure that they'll be very nonchalant about our presence when we get there...but we are dying to see them! Harris has been texting with each of us about once a that's been helpful. And we call each night and hear the rundown of their day. They are having a blast! Hang tight mama! It will be ok!

much love, Robyn

Amber said...

Thank you Robyn. That makes me feel much better. I really appreciate it.

Christina said...

A few notes from your favorite (?) nonparent, dear Amber: Remember that this week with their grandparents is a gift for Davis & Sam in many ways: simply to be with their grandparents, to experience a place that's not all that familiar to them, and to learn that they're absolutely fine even when they're away from home. If you keep your eye on this being for THEM, it might (might, I say) be easier. Daily phone calls will reassure them (and you), but what this will do for their self-confidence is immeasurable. Plus all of you will have FUN!! Do THEM the favor and let them stay the whole week, with all love and support from you guys and their grandparents!
Can't wait to hear all about the week, and really can't wait to see you in NYC in September.
xxoo, Tina