We are home. Things are good. The house is clean and Christmas is put away. I downloaded and edited all the photos and grocery shopped and caught up on laundry and correspondence. The kids are in school, and Michael is back to work. Michael and I have been eating super clean and healthy and working out and I have attained my lowest weight and fittest body in my life. It's a clean start to the new year. Somehow, though, I feel a bit adrift.
I've spent the last few months feeling just a little bit unhappy, or tense, or just clenched. I wonder how much of that has to do with going through menopause this year. Am I just missing my hormones? Or is it more?
I don't know. I know I am blessed. I know I am very lucky. So I need to find ways to embrace the world. I need to stay in the moment more. I need to appreciate the here and NOW. Michael's new year resolution was patience, and it is one I share. I need more patience in my day to day life with the people I love and care for. I also need patience with the world. I need to quit looking ahead and enjoy now.
But I think my real resolution this year is to unclench. I am holding on way too tight to control. I feel like if I let go and let be, then everything that I love will slip away. I'm so afraid of losing the things that I love that I am not truly exploring and enjoying them as they are now.
And I resolve to try and be less sensitive. I am way, way, way too sensitive and that is an unfair burden both on myself and the ones I love. I need (always) to work on letting things roll off.
I can do all that right?
I also hope to continue to explore my spirituality, be a better caretaker, a better partner to my husband. Michael and I are going to work on being the best parents we can be and are even considering foster care. I want to volunteer more and give more.
And of course, I want to throw parties and be social and travel more! We've got trips planned to the beach, to the caribbean, to Taos and to New York. I think I can fit a few more little side trips in there, don't you?
I think 2013 is going to be a wonderful year. I'm going to relax, appreciate and enjoy all that it brings.