Thursday, April 11, 2013

Hurting Vent

It still hurts. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and feel so much better and it doesn't happen and I am so frustrated. My pain pills really help, but I can't take them during the day because I'm single parenting and driving the kids. I can't use my right hand for anything and every thing is such an obstacle with only on hand and takes forever to do. I don't want to ask for help for fear I might be judged as, "milking it for all it's worth," and also because deep down I just plain feel like I should be able to rise above it and quit whimpering and just get it done by myself. It's just really frustrating!
To be honest, I am improved. I can walk without shooting pain and I can press lightly with my fingertips now without pain when I couldn't before. But there is not a single comfortable way to sit down and my fingers are huge sausages sticking out of the top of my wrist brace. I'm exhausted. Driving hurts. Michael is out of town.
The kids are trying to help and my parents have been great. When I am on my pain pills in the evening, I feel like I am almost well. I think, Yay! And then I wake up and hurt and I'm just so disappointed.
I went to my doctor on Tuesday and he gave me good pain meds. He said the wrist sprain is moderate and that I damaged some nerves which is why it hurts in my bicep. He said it should heal in 10 days to two weeks and I am counting on that. The fracture should heal in 4 weeks though the muscles and such in my back will heal when they damn well feel like it.
We are supposed to go camping at Enchanted Rock with the cub scouts this weekend. We've been looking forward to it all year. Now I don't know what to do. The shopping and packing I need to do to get ready seems insurmountable. The car ride there seems daunting. I know I could just take my pain meds and lie around all weekend once I got there and that would be nice, but it still sounds hard to get there. But staying home by myself sounds hard and lonely and miserable too. Plus Michael would rather cancel the trip and stay home than leave me here alone again and the kids would hate that. I don't know what to do.
I want to be all better yesterday. And now I'm venting about it to you. I know it's a blip on the screen of my life. I know I'm lucky that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I know that lots of people have done the same thing and gotten over it. It just sucks right now.


cheris said...

Okay, so now I'm getting mad. First of all, NO one thinks you're whining or milking it. You BROKE a bone and sprained your dominant hand! This is what you SHOULD be doing: NOTHING. Seriously. I wish Michael could have stayed home this week, but barring that, you need to call your friends and have them pick up the kids. You need to take your pain meds and lay around all day. You need to stop running errands. You need to NOT go freakin camping this weekend! Send the boys! They will be fine! You will be bored and lonely, but it is better than the alternative: getting worse.
Remember when I hurt my back last year? I decided to rise above it, grin and bear it, work through it, and you know what happened? I just about crippled myself. I was absolutely useless to everyone. All my plans were put on hold for months. I'm still paying the price today. When your fracture has healed, you'll be able to tell what kind of damage you've done to your back, but if you push it too hard right now, you'll just make things worse. Just give yourself a freaking break! Chill out! Lay down! Everyone will be fine! If I find out you went camping, I will hunt you down.
Seriously, you're of no use to me wounded.

Amber said...

I love you, Cheris.

Marja said...

Well said Cheris. As much as my kids would love to see yours, I think you should take a break, completely. I broke my tailbone and the pain was excrutiating. I honestly don't know how you are even walking around. Every squeeze of my butt cheeks was agony. Please, please, please take care of yourself.