Sometimes my days are emotionally exhausting. Yesterday was one of them. I poured out positive, calm, cheerful, desperately needed vibes all day- until my car got towed and the sun sent trickles of sweat down my inner thighs and the children looked at me to make it all better and I couldn't. I didn't have any more positive vibes left to give. So then I just held it all in so I wouldn't cry in front of the kids and carried on.
I carried on through making dinner and reading aloud and putting the kids to bed. Then I let go and cried. After a few moments of self pity, I put on my softest pajamas and recharged on my chaise lounge with Survivor and Modern Family and some travel surfing. I snuck in to see the kids and kissed their soft, warm cheeks and brushed back their sweaty hair and marveled in who they were.
I know that I have an amazing support system. Last night, my husband rushed home when he got off work at seven last night and gave me love and support and didn't once mention the $120 I had just blown on towing. My parents drove through five o'clock traffic and took the kids and me to retrieve our car, waiting in the dusty parking lot while I paid my dues and exited with my car again. My mother and I are a team. We hold each other up and work together and laugh together and share our lives. We take care of each other. It is the greatest gift I could have ever asked for.
My extended family is amazing and we work together, touching base at least weekly. When I need anything at all, my in-laws are there and ready to help. They are always kind and caring and they love keeping my kids! My uncle Larry is always at hand when anything goes wrong. He is dependable and kind and generous and takes care of all our homes and the ranch where we live. My cousin Lilly has fed our dogs so many weekends while we have been away that I don't know how I will ever repay her.
I love them so much and my family keeps me going.
Sometimes we struggle around here. That's just a fact. Caregiving is a hard job and some days there seems to be more need for care than I have to give. My bucket seems empty. But then I realize that I am receiving so much love and care from these same people that my bucket could never be empty. I am overwhelmed by the love that flows my way. We are so deeply interwoven here on the ranch and I think it brings joy and fulfillment to all of us. At least I hope so. I know it does for me.