I'm all prickly lately. I've got a lot on my plate and I don't have time for a lot of bullshit. I'm southern. I'm used to white lies and euphemisms and putting a smile on my face. I excel at those things. I am a southern lady. There's a certain amount of bullshit that I am expected to wade through, but it's not happening for me these days.
I need my friends and I need them to be true blue. I have a zero fakeness tolerance policy. Lies and half truths make me feel all squirmy and not-right.
There's also this thing that I've always felt- maybe you feel it too? Or maybe it's just me, but whenever I hear anyone talking bad about somebody else, I imagine how it would feel if they were talking about me and then I come up with lots of excuses for the person. I must be so insecure, but I always assume that people are talking like that behind my back and I secretly wish there was somebody there making excuses for me.
I'm not perfect. I gossip too, but I think I don't do it lightly.
I do like to tell people when I'm happy with them. Maybe that is insecurity too, but I know how good it makes me feel when people just straight up tell me that they like me. I want to do that for other people as well. I want the people I love to know how much I love, appreciate and enjoy them. I want to tell them now and not later, in case later never comes. Love and friendship is such a gift and I really cherish it.
I've never minded it so much before, but lately, small talk exhausts me.
We've taken this week as a "screen free" week. We don't look at our phones or computers when the kids are awake and around. It's been really great. I've played foursquare, gone dewberry picking, played monopoly and read lots to the kids. I've also gotten more chores done than I usually do.
I want this time with my kids. I realized recently that we are halfway through our time with Davis in our home as our child. He is nine years old. In nine more years, he will be eighteen and leaving us for college (hopefully). This time is flying by and I don't want to miss a second of it. The kids are so fun right now too. They are thoughtful and insightful and funny and interesting and they adore me. Even when they are annoying and screaming and angry, they still love me and want to please me. It's pretty great. I want to please them too.
I've come to the conclusion, that I'm a good mom. I make mistakes all the time, but overall I think I do a great job. I love them to pieces and though they make mistakes all the time too, they are turning out to be really great kids. I used to be so worried I was screwing it up, but I'm starting to feel pretty confident about it.
Starting next week, Michael will be out of town every week. While I rejoice in the amount of points we will get for hotels and flights, I am already missing him. This year has been such a wonderful year for our relationship. We have grown stronger and Michael has become so much more supportive and loving and kind. We will all miss him so much.
I want to take my family and close friends and wrap them around me like a blanket. I want to hold them close and cherish them and stay safe within their love.