Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Changing


The seasons are changing. A cold front blew in yesterday and we pulled out our coats and hats and lit our first fire of the season.
The boys are changing. They are growing so fast and becoming independent, interesting little people.
I am changing too.
I feel the change within me. I am in a period of growing and adapting. I have fought change for a couple of years in a row and now I am accepting and even embracing it. I am afraid, like most people I know, of the unknown. I do not like it when change is not on my terms. But change is seldom on our terms and the older I get, the more comfortable I am with that.
I've started doing hot yoga. When we start the class we set an intention and we breathe in and through that intention all class and then carry that intention out into our day. Often, my intention is strength. Strength to hold my center, be true to myself, trust myself. Strength to power through the day and to stay healthy.
I am embracing who I am and starting- bit by tiny bit- to care less about pleasing others and more about pleasing myself. I still want to be nice and kind, but I also want to live my life and follow my own lead. If I don't do it now, who knows if I will have another tomorrow?
I want to live somewhere else, try new things and cultures, focus on my children and my husband. I don't know how to do that exactly yet, and I have lots and lots of ties that bind me here. I am comfortable, safe, cradled in a community of family and friends that I truly love. I'm not sure if I even want to leave that, or should, but something is pulling me to stretch my wings and look around- take an adventure. We are only here on this planet for such a short time- why not follow our hearts and dreams and see what else is out there?

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