I love being with my family. Today we were riding along in Michael's tiny blue car, warm, insulated from the world. Michael was driving, the kids in the back seat were trying to out do each other with monster stories. We were laughing. I was purely happy. I love these moments. I need to find ways to make them happen more often in our regular life. They are easy to come by on vacation, but real life can be magical too, and I need to focus on that.
My new year's resolution is to find beauty and satisfaction in the now and in the present.
I know that I am overwhelmed with life some times. I know that being a care giver is very emotionally draining job and that I need to find balance. I also need to find joy in the moments so that I have more balance.
Losing someone to dementia is a very isolating experience. I don't feel like I can talk about it except to other people who are living it. I don't want to. It is a disease that takes the person you love away while they are still right in front of you. There is no clear, easy line to draw when you lose them. It feels silly to grieve when they are sitting right next to you, telling you that they love you.
And sometimes all of that gets overshadowed with the day to day care giving. The scheduling and maintaining and organizing becomes all important and all encompassing.
My mama is so strong. So strong and stays strong as more and more responsibilities seem to pile up on her. And they are piling up. They are a mountain these days. She does it with grace and kindness too. She has the most amazing skill of just accepting what is and being okay with it. She takes each day at a time and stays in the now as much as possible. I want to learn to do that. I'm going to work on it. I think it will help bring me peace and happiness and what more could anyone need?