Thursday, October 22, 2015

My Mantra

When things are hard in my life, I always tell myself, firmly and furiously, "I'm not going to think about that right now."
Because if I do think about that right now, I just spiral around and around and around the same thoughts. I can't sleep with that going on in my head. I lose my appetite. I cry.
I realize that thinking things through is important, but I do it TOO MUCH. And so I say, "I'm not going to think about that right now."
I know my problem is self cherishing. I am way too self cherishing. I am thinking too much about how I'm feeling and how I'm causing the people around me to feel. I want too much.
I must stay in the moment. (I must not think about that right now).
I mostly just want to spend all day every day with my head in my mother's lap.
I'm sick this week with the rotten head cold plus the anemia. I'm sure that doesn't help.
We're leaving today on a jet plane. I'm working on finding excitement.
(I'm not going to think about that right now.)
Some days are better. I'm just blue today I guess.

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