Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Getting Ready for the Holidays

I want 2016 to be over. So much heartbreak has happened this year. I'm ready to move past it all.
Moving has been really good for us and in some ways very difficult. It made things so much easier to leave San Marcos behind in some ways. To not have to face life as it was without Dad. It was so hard to go back in October and see that life was still going on there without him. Don't get me wrong. It was great to be home and see my family and friends, but it was a bit surreal. Thanksgiving was much easier, but then again, we were in Port Aransas and not SM. But it is so hard to leave my mama and sister and grandma and friends. I miss my mama every day. I feel guilty about leaving every day. I miss having face to face moments with my loved ones.
I've made friends here, but I miss the ones I left behind.
My mom is my best friend. We still talk every day, but it's not the same as being with her. I love her and her company so much.
The play helped by giving me something good to focus my energies on. I heard today they want to do another next semester. I'm glad. I love working with the kids. I'm exhausted and I need a break, but it's fun to be involved.
I'm lonely lately. I don't know exactly how to face the holidays. I miss my Gramp so much this season. He is the one who taught me how to wrap presents. I used to go up to my grandparent's house and Gramp and I would spend an hour at the big dining room table, wrapping and decorating beautiful packages. I miss my dad every single time I build a fire in the fireplace.
But I'm wrapping packages and I'm building fires. I'm playing Christmas carols on the sonos and I mailed our my christmas cards. (finding something positive to say on them was tricky). I'm even hosting a book group holiday party on Saturday.
My uncle Darryl passed away yesterday. He was my dad's brother and they were very close as I was growing up. So much loss this year.
I miss Michael. He has not worked in town in eight straight weeks. That is two months without him. The last week he worked in town was the week of Oct. 3rd. We spent Thanksgiving break together, but not here. He spent the last weekend doing home improvement projects and just staying home with us. It was good. Very good. I love my husband so much. Our relationship has grown stronger and stronger over the last few years.

I have my kiddos. They are the joy of my heart. Moving here was amazing for them. They have the best school and best opportunities and they are so happy. Happy. Happy. Samuel went with his class the other day to the Manitou Cliff Dwellings. He loved it. He has an amazing group of friends at school. Davis is finally getting into his groove. He's made a handful of equally science loving friends and has gotten a handle on school work. Today, Davis loaded up a huge backpack and took off for three days at the Keystone Science School in the mountains. I had a huge lump in my throat as I put him on a charter bus in the pouring snow. He was excited though. He is going to have so much fun.
It's cold and snowing. We recently realized that the metal windows that we knew were busted after inspection, but hoped to live with for a few years, were not going keep us warm. We ordered new windows yesterday for the whole house. I will be broke as I pay them off for the the next five years, but I think it will be worth it. The snow is beautiful. Driving in it is a bit terrifying, but I suspect I will grow used to it. The dogs are fine with it, surprisingly, but mostly they just enjoy sleeping in the nest of cushions I made in the laundry room. The kids LOVE playing outside in it. I like how it transforms the brown landscape into a Christmas card.
As soon as school lets out, we will go spend the holiday in Taos. I am looking forward to being with my family so much. I love Taos. I will be so happy to be with Marcie and her family, my grandma, my mama and my sister's family. Even Martha and Clark are coming in for a few days. Being together is what it is all about and I am very ready.

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