Thursday, March 16, 2017

So Now I'm 40

My real birthday happened on Tuesday. I was informed by Michael that Davis and Sam wanted to bring me my toast and coffee in bed. The alarm went off and I snuggled back into bed while I listened to the hasty and excited preparations outside the door. They came in with huge grins on their faces. Davis had made a card and Sam had written me a note by nightlight after he was in bed the night before. The whole thing was very sweet.
I took the kids to school and then went to the gym. I worked out and then went and sat in the sauna. I showered and put on something that made me feel pretty and then headed out to the mall. I wasn't feeling well, but I was in full denial of the feeling unwell as I refused to feel bad on my birthday. I shopped at Sundance and Anthropologie and didn't buy a thing. But the walking around at leisure was so fun. When I got home, I was surprised with two beautiful deliveries of flowers. My mom had sent a gorgeous purple mountain mix of flowers and Cheris and Rob had sent a cute pail of succulents.
I got the kids from school, delivered them home and then headed to the STEM talent show rehearsal as I had been recruited last minute to participate in the teacher's lip sync battle. After rehearsal I picked up Michael and the kids and went to south glenn mall, where the kids had their 30 minute music lesson and Michael and I had a thirty minute date at Ivy on the Glenn complete with a lovely french rose wine and some snacks.
We picked up pho on the way home and had big plans for a movie by the fire, but unfortunately, my body decided it really was unwell and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I was in bed by 8:30.
The next day I dragged myself to the school to teach and was surprised completely when both of my drama classes threw me a birthday party with cake and refreshments! It was so sweet.
I felt very celebrated this week, despite feeling kind of yucky.
So now I'm forty. I'm middle aged. I'm in the process of applying for life insurance to celebrate. I wonder what it means that I got sick the week I turned forty. Probably northing, but it's a reminder that my body is fallible. I also did some swimsuit shopping and decided I'm officially done with a bikini. Forever. I feel more sure of myself the older I get. That's a very good thing. I missed my dad a lot on my birthday. As spring comes ever closer, I know I will have to relive how it was last spring. Last spring was the worst time of my life. But I will push through it and hopefully it will be okay. I know time has a lot of power. The more that goes by, the more I understand and the more I know that I don't understand.
I'm forty years old in a new city with new friends and new places to explore and learn. I'm forty years old and I'm trying to find out who I am, separate from my hometown and yet created by it. I'm taking every day this year step by step and trying to find my way. Just getting through has been the goal.
I am looking forward to going home to Texas next week. Last time I went it was so hard and I was really working through some things. It was good, but I had emotion overload. This time I hope to just be able to enjoy it. I've missed San Marcos so much. I've missed my friends and the ranch and my family. I've missed flowers and heat. I've missed swimming and good tex-mex. I miss my old life very much and I can't wait to visit again. I hope so much that it isn't emotion overload again because I just want to enjoy it. I'm book-ending the week we spend there with parties and it is going to FUN. Michael gets to come with us and I'll get a whole week with my mama.
So let the fortieth celebration continue! Let's celebrate this occasion all month long! Woohoo!

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