Tony Awards
I usually love watching the Tony Awards. I usually throw a party and invite all my friends. I love to see the live performances of the musicals and see clips of all the plays. I enjoy the acceptance speeches because they're being performed by people who are used to performing in front of a live audience.
But tonight, I couldn't enjoy it. I had to set it to record and just leave it till tomorrow. Seeing all that great theater made me sad and jealous. I really miss performing. And I miss being that person who performed. I don't even get to see much theater anymore. I'm a mom to a nursing wee one and a demanding two year old. I'm five pounds over my performing weight. I haven't been in a show in three years. Can you believe it? I can't.
I feel like I'll never be able to do it again. I feel like I've lost touch with the theatre community here. I feel like I'll never be able to get away from the home life for the nights it would take to rehearse. I feel like I wouldn't have the energy to perform and stay up past 9PM even if I did get cast.
So much of my identity and self worth is tied up in my craft. And I just realized I haven't practiced that craft in three years. I've been training and studying and performing since I was four years old. What has happened?
I'm a wife and a mom. And I love it. I really, really do. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But the Tony's are still making me sad. So I'll do what I usually do when something is bothering me. I'll refuse to think about it. I'll go back to daydreaming about travel and reading my novel and watching reality TV. I'll go back to enjoying my kids and playing with my friends. I mean, life is really pretty great. Maybe someday I'll find my way back to theatre, right? Right???
But tonight, I couldn't enjoy it. I had to set it to record and just leave it till tomorrow. Seeing all that great theater made me sad and jealous. I really miss performing. And I miss being that person who performed. I don't even get to see much theater anymore. I'm a mom to a nursing wee one and a demanding two year old. I'm five pounds over my performing weight. I haven't been in a show in three years. Can you believe it? I can't.
I feel like I'll never be able to do it again. I feel like I've lost touch with the theatre community here. I feel like I'll never be able to get away from the home life for the nights it would take to rehearse. I feel like I wouldn't have the energy to perform and stay up past 9PM even if I did get cast.
So much of my identity and self worth is tied up in my craft. And I just realized I haven't practiced that craft in three years. I've been training and studying and performing since I was four years old. What has happened?
I'm a wife and a mom. And I love it. I really, really do. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But the Tony's are still making me sad. So I'll do what I usually do when something is bothering me. I'll refuse to think about it. I'll go back to daydreaming about travel and reading my novel and watching reality TV. I'll go back to enjoying my kids and playing with my friends. I mean, life is really pretty great. Maybe someday I'll find my way back to theatre, right? Right???
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