HARD
This parenting gig is hard. You usually get the glass half full perspective. For instance, I could say that today we went to the park with our good friends and rode the train and fed the birds. I could tell you that I got my hair cut and that it looks great. And that would be true. I could blog about it and leave it at that. But that would be leaving out the other 98% of the day that just sucked.
How can I describe it to you? I can't. It would be tedious for you to hear me recite each tiny thing all day that occurs. But just imagine something you do easily each day, like go to the bathroom. Now imagine that you have to go, but first you have to feed the children and turn on a movie and feed the dog and clean the kitchen and then you rush off to the bathroom only to be followed by a screaming toddler and a screaming crawler. You get there and sit down while the crawler pulls up on your legs and sticks his hands where they don't belong and the toddler pulls all the paper off the roll and flushes the toilet twelve times and then wants to wash his hands, by himself, and won't leave the bathroom until you've hung the towel up the RIGHT way, but won't explain which way the right way is.
That's pretty much how the whole day goes. Davis wants to torture Sam all the time. If Sam finds a toy he likes on the far side of the room, Davis will rush over, yank it away, throw Sam's head against the floor and yell, "I was playing with that!". He loves to peel Sam's hands off of whatever he was pulling up on and watch him fall. If Sam crawls over the couch and pulls up on it, Davis will kick him off. And yet Sam continues to adore Davis and try to do everything that Davis can do.
Tonight I tried to give them dinner and Davis was too tired because he missed nap like he's been doing 5 days a week lately. He threw food at me and screamed on the floor. Nothing I did was right. I actually had a vision of myself whacking him across the head with his sippy cup after I filled the third one with apparently the WRONG beverage and he hurled his full tray of food at my body. I didn't whack him, but I wanted to. And then after bath he screamed at me because he wasn't done and tried to launch his fully dried and diapered body back into the tub. I stopped him and gave him a spanking. I spanked my child! I didn't mean too, but I was so frustrated and Sam was still wet and I had to get him out and safely dried and I just needed a little cooperation!
God I love them so much and compared to other kids, Davis seems to be pretty well behaved, it's just...HARD, sometimes.
Please know that I love him. And I'm proud of him. And he's the best thing that ever happened to me. And there are times when he's perfect and well mannered and treats his brother like the angel he can be. But not all the time. Because he's hungry or tired or frustrated or off his schedule or TWO. I don't know.
Being a mom is hard work. And utterly rewarding. It has to be. Today on the train ride he held my hand through the whole thing and then looked up at me with the sweetest smile and thanked me. And tonight after I listened to Davis scream and throw himself against his door while I nursed his brother down, I went in there and laid down on his bed and we curled up and I sang "his" song to him. I was stroking his hair and he put his hand up on mine and told me he loved me. I love him too. Let's all hope for a smoother day tomorrow.
Off to drink now, Love, Amber
How can I describe it to you? I can't. It would be tedious for you to hear me recite each tiny thing all day that occurs. But just imagine something you do easily each day, like go to the bathroom. Now imagine that you have to go, but first you have to feed the children and turn on a movie and feed the dog and clean the kitchen and then you rush off to the bathroom only to be followed by a screaming toddler and a screaming crawler. You get there and sit down while the crawler pulls up on your legs and sticks his hands where they don't belong and the toddler pulls all the paper off the roll and flushes the toilet twelve times and then wants to wash his hands, by himself, and won't leave the bathroom until you've hung the towel up the RIGHT way, but won't explain which way the right way is.
That's pretty much how the whole day goes. Davis wants to torture Sam all the time. If Sam finds a toy he likes on the far side of the room, Davis will rush over, yank it away, throw Sam's head against the floor and yell, "I was playing with that!". He loves to peel Sam's hands off of whatever he was pulling up on and watch him fall. If Sam crawls over the couch and pulls up on it, Davis will kick him off. And yet Sam continues to adore Davis and try to do everything that Davis can do.
Tonight I tried to give them dinner and Davis was too tired because he missed nap like he's been doing 5 days a week lately. He threw food at me and screamed on the floor. Nothing I did was right. I actually had a vision of myself whacking him across the head with his sippy cup after I filled the third one with apparently the WRONG beverage and he hurled his full tray of food at my body. I didn't whack him, but I wanted to. And then after bath he screamed at me because he wasn't done and tried to launch his fully dried and diapered body back into the tub. I stopped him and gave him a spanking. I spanked my child! I didn't mean too, but I was so frustrated and Sam was still wet and I had to get him out and safely dried and I just needed a little cooperation!
God I love them so much and compared to other kids, Davis seems to be pretty well behaved, it's just...HARD, sometimes.
Please know that I love him. And I'm proud of him. And he's the best thing that ever happened to me. And there are times when he's perfect and well mannered and treats his brother like the angel he can be. But not all the time. Because he's hungry or tired or frustrated or off his schedule or TWO. I don't know.
Being a mom is hard work. And utterly rewarding. It has to be. Today on the train ride he held my hand through the whole thing and then looked up at me with the sweetest smile and thanked me. And tonight after I listened to Davis scream and throw himself against his door while I nursed his brother down, I went in there and laid down on his bed and we curled up and I sang "his" song to him. I was stroking his hair and he put his hand up on mine and told me he loved me. I love him too. Let's all hope for a smoother day tomorrow.
Off to drink now, Love, Amber
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