Crushed
Some of you know that before I had children, I was a musical theatre performer. I ran a theatre company and routinely performed in shows. I hold my degree in musical theater. When I had Davis, I stopped. Before that I had never been more than three months without doing something. Since then, nothing. I have not performed in four years.
Several weeks ago I emailed an old friend expressing interest in auditioning for a musical. I heard nothing back. I was hurt. I also took it as a sign that maybe I wasn't meant to perform again right now. But I missed it.
Then a couple of weeks later my fabulous friend Sarah told me that she was going to direct a local play and she would love it if I came to audition. I was so excited! This was something I could feasibly do. I wrote the audition date on the calendar and built stages in the sky.
And then I realized something. The performance dates were the same dates that Michael had agreed to be in a wedding in Virginia. I thought, okay, that's okay. My parents had agreed to keep the kids and Michael and I were going to have a fun weekend away. It's just not meant to be, but at least I'll have fun. I love travel!
Then I realized something else. Mom and Dad were going to Canada that month so how were they going to watch the kids? I frantically called the in-laws. No luck there, they were going to be out of town as well.
Okay, I thought, okay. I'll call the travel agent and see how expensive it would be to take the kids with us. A phone call and an email later and it turned out that a plane ride with only TWO stops on the way would be close to six hundred dollars per person. Traveling with the kids is not going to happen. Hell, traveling with me probably isn't going to happen.
So I can't stay here and be in the show because Michael won't be here to watch the kids and neither will either set of grandparents. I don't think I can afford a nanny for the entire weekend and I don't think the kids would go for it anyway. I can't afford to take the kids and myself to Virginia. So I will stay here with the kids and Michael will go to Virginia to be in the wedding and someone else will be performing in the local play and I am crushed.
It's okay. I love my kids, they're worth it. But I sure wish I could get my name up in lights again somehow. Maybe it's just not meant to be right? Maybe something else wonderful is going to happen instead. Right?
Several weeks ago I emailed an old friend expressing interest in auditioning for a musical. I heard nothing back. I was hurt. I also took it as a sign that maybe I wasn't meant to perform again right now. But I missed it.
Then a couple of weeks later my fabulous friend Sarah told me that she was going to direct a local play and she would love it if I came to audition. I was so excited! This was something I could feasibly do. I wrote the audition date on the calendar and built stages in the sky.
And then I realized something. The performance dates were the same dates that Michael had agreed to be in a wedding in Virginia. I thought, okay, that's okay. My parents had agreed to keep the kids and Michael and I were going to have a fun weekend away. It's just not meant to be, but at least I'll have fun. I love travel!
Then I realized something else. Mom and Dad were going to Canada that month so how were they going to watch the kids? I frantically called the in-laws. No luck there, they were going to be out of town as well.
Okay, I thought, okay. I'll call the travel agent and see how expensive it would be to take the kids with us. A phone call and an email later and it turned out that a plane ride with only TWO stops on the way would be close to six hundred dollars per person. Traveling with the kids is not going to happen. Hell, traveling with me probably isn't going to happen.
So I can't stay here and be in the show because Michael won't be here to watch the kids and neither will either set of grandparents. I don't think I can afford a nanny for the entire weekend and I don't think the kids would go for it anyway. I can't afford to take the kids and myself to Virginia. So I will stay here with the kids and Michael will go to Virginia to be in the wedding and someone else will be performing in the local play and I am crushed.
It's okay. I love my kids, they're worth it. But I sure wish I could get my name up in lights again somehow. Maybe it's just not meant to be right? Maybe something else wonderful is going to happen instead. Right?
Comments
someday, you should join me in my big plan...years ago i was in england with my family and we were visiting some friends, one of whom was a teacher at an elementary school. they had a fundraiser called a '24 hour musical.' basically, the kids arrived at school at 6pm on friday, found out what musical they were doing (oliver) got their parts, got their costume needs (parents had to do this part, but it was way simple) and then they pulled an all-nighter and put together the show and performed it 6pm on saturday!
it was really sweet, amazingly well done, a few improvised moments and a way-necessary person on book calling out occasional lines...but overall it rocked.
i have a plan to bring that to austin someday, but with adults like us who wish we had the time to do months of rehearsals and weeks of performances, but just couldn't make it happen.
i have a running list of musicals in my head that i'd love to be in if i only had to rehearse one day (or a weekend, i was thinking a 48 hour musical would work well too).
guys and dolls, little shop of horrors, grease...hmm....