Update on the play
Since my last blog post about the play, several things happened. The first, and most important, is that my parents offered to delay their trip to Canada in order for me to be able to be in the play. *BIG hugs* Second, I have really done some reflection to see if this is something I could do.
Okay, I know it's community theatre. It's not rocket science. I'm not solving world hunger. But it's more than that to me. It's about defining who I was and what I am. It's about how much I've changed from who I was and how much of me is now completely dedicated to the roles of mother and wife. It turns out I am completely dedicated to my roles. And I am to a certain extent, confined to them. At least for now.
But back to the internal debate:
pros- I get to work on my craft, which I love and miss and adore. I get to meet new people within my field. I get to establish my presence in my new town. I get to spend quality time with a dear friend. I get to do something for me.
cons- Michael is often out of town during the week and I would have to struggle and juggle to line up sitters. I would be away from my husband for almost all of our available quality time when he is in town. I am always completely and utterly exhausted by 6PM and cannot imagine finding the reserves to put any more energy out into the universe.
The auditions are tomorrow. I don't think I'll be there. I want to so much. But every time I've been in a play, it has consumed me. There is no such thing as illness, or exhaustion. The play IS the thing. I don't think I have that in me right now. My home life owns me. For better or worse. At least right now.
In a year, I could be ready. I WILL get back into theatre. I can't have lost that from life entirely. It is my first love. And I'm thinking in the meantime, that maybe I can work on this summer's production in a different way. Participate in a different role. We shall see. I will keep you updated.
Okay, I know it's community theatre. It's not rocket science. I'm not solving world hunger. But it's more than that to me. It's about defining who I was and what I am. It's about how much I've changed from who I was and how much of me is now completely dedicated to the roles of mother and wife. It turns out I am completely dedicated to my roles. And I am to a certain extent, confined to them. At least for now.
But back to the internal debate:
pros- I get to work on my craft, which I love and miss and adore. I get to meet new people within my field. I get to establish my presence in my new town. I get to spend quality time with a dear friend. I get to do something for me.
cons- Michael is often out of town during the week and I would have to struggle and juggle to line up sitters. I would be away from my husband for almost all of our available quality time when he is in town. I am always completely and utterly exhausted by 6PM and cannot imagine finding the reserves to put any more energy out into the universe.
The auditions are tomorrow. I don't think I'll be there. I want to so much. But every time I've been in a play, it has consumed me. There is no such thing as illness, or exhaustion. The play IS the thing. I don't think I have that in me right now. My home life owns me. For better or worse. At least right now.
In a year, I could be ready. I WILL get back into theatre. I can't have lost that from life entirely. It is my first love. And I'm thinking in the meantime, that maybe I can work on this summer's production in a different way. Participate in a different role. We shall see. I will keep you updated.
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