Feeling Low
I'm not having a good day. I didn't want to post, but then I realized that it's probably good to post on bad days so people don't think my whole world is sunshine and roses. Though you probably didn't think that anyway, did you.
The day is fine. It's like every other day. It's me and the way I feel today.
I feel constricted. I feel stagnant. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my chest and I am this close to tears.
Why?
I don't know. I do know.
1. It's 101 degrees outside. I have two small children and they want to go outside, but it's too hot and they are too little for one person to take them swimming.
2. The children are testing me. Davis tells me no in defiance and then checks to see how I'm taking it. He's non cooperative, sensitive, and extra defiant. Sam is also testing, but testing his world as well. As in, is it possible/acceptable for me to climb and stand on the dining room table?
3 Money is tight. Economy is bad and we can't touch our mad money fund until stocks go up. Regular money isn't going as far as it needs to. I've cut out so much and it's not enough and now I have to really find out what my priorities are and cut some more. It's really going to hurt this time.
4. I'm lonely. Several of my friends were gone last week. My grandparents, and sister are gone for ten days. My parents are gone for a month. My in-laws were gone last week. And Michael left over the weekend for a wedding in virginia beach where he said the weather was perfect and so was the beach. And I was still here.
The lack of money and the heat are keeping me indoors and mostly at my house. I'm going a wee bit stir crazy. So are the children. They are great of course. I love them all the time. I have lots of blessings. Beautiful house, beautiful family, health, money enough for the necessities. I really shouldn't complain. I KNOW. I'm trying to stay in the moment and appreciate the small things, but I'm cranky and hot (I've turned up the thermostat to save money), and I'm not doing a good job.
Two things to look forward to:
This weekend is my wedding anniversary. We're going to go out and meet some friends for drinks AND I found an old gift certificate to PF Changs so we can have dinner before hand.
In 17 days we leave for Seattle and then a cruise to Alaska, paid for last year and just waiting for us to go. Davis wakes up every morning asking me if we can go yet. He sits in my lap while we watch videos online of alaska and cruise ships. Only seventeen more days. I can do that right?
Am I alone? Is it the summer weather? Are the gas prices and food prices getting everyone down? If you're feeling the same way, let me know.
The day is fine. It's like every other day. It's me and the way I feel today.
I feel constricted. I feel stagnant. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my chest and I am this close to tears.
Why?
I don't know. I do know.
1. It's 101 degrees outside. I have two small children and they want to go outside, but it's too hot and they are too little for one person to take them swimming.
2. The children are testing me. Davis tells me no in defiance and then checks to see how I'm taking it. He's non cooperative, sensitive, and extra defiant. Sam is also testing, but testing his world as well. As in, is it possible/acceptable for me to climb and stand on the dining room table?
3 Money is tight. Economy is bad and we can't touch our mad money fund until stocks go up. Regular money isn't going as far as it needs to. I've cut out so much and it's not enough and now I have to really find out what my priorities are and cut some more. It's really going to hurt this time.
4. I'm lonely. Several of my friends were gone last week. My grandparents, and sister are gone for ten days. My parents are gone for a month. My in-laws were gone last week. And Michael left over the weekend for a wedding in virginia beach where he said the weather was perfect and so was the beach. And I was still here.
The lack of money and the heat are keeping me indoors and mostly at my house. I'm going a wee bit stir crazy. So are the children. They are great of course. I love them all the time. I have lots of blessings. Beautiful house, beautiful family, health, money enough for the necessities. I really shouldn't complain. I KNOW. I'm trying to stay in the moment and appreciate the small things, but I'm cranky and hot (I've turned up the thermostat to save money), and I'm not doing a good job.
Two things to look forward to:
This weekend is my wedding anniversary. We're going to go out and meet some friends for drinks AND I found an old gift certificate to PF Changs so we can have dinner before hand.
In 17 days we leave for Seattle and then a cruise to Alaska, paid for last year and just waiting for us to go. Davis wakes up every morning asking me if we can go yet. He sits in my lap while we watch videos online of alaska and cruise ships. Only seventeen more days. I can do that right?
Am I alone? Is it the summer weather? Are the gas prices and food prices getting everyone down? If you're feeling the same way, let me know.
Comments
Wanna come over tomorrow?