Dear Davis, 3 weeks old.

Davis has been so hard lately. So. Hard. Defiant, angry, belligerent. We have been struggling trying to figure out where our easy, independent, fun kid has gone and how to get him back. We've been working on it though. Four is pretty hard so far. Still, I see glimpses of the amazing kid, just trying to work his way through. Time out is our old friend that we are reacquainting ourselves with.
Anyway, if you've been wondering what we've been up to, it's mostly adjusting to summer vacation, dealing with tempers, swimming, and working on staying in the moment and trying to enjoy each other.
I found this letter to Davis on my computer the other day. It's something I started writing when he was three weeks old and I never finished. It's times like these when he is challenging me that I really need to re-read a letter like this.
The love hasn't changed. I still love the little dude so much.
Anyway, here's a copy of the letter I found. Maybe I'll finish it when he's thirty.
XXOO, Amber
Dear Davis,
You are three weeks old today. I often think all these wonderful thoughts about you and I realized today that I need to write them down. You are perfect to me. You are a true miracle and I want you to know it always.
When you were born I was stuck on the operating table and I couldn’t really see you. You and your Daddy went off to the nursery and I waited to hear how big you were and whether everything was okay. I fought against the medication so that I would be awake enough to hold you and nurse you. I had planned so carefully for your birth but was not anticipating the c-section. When you and Daddy came to the recovery room and I held you for the first time, it was an unreal experience. I couldn’t believe you were real.
You and I got to know each other a little at the hospital. Daddy was right there along with us. He changed your first diaper and your second and your third. You were a great nurser right from the start. Daddy says you are a boob man.
Having you home was great. Mimi and PawPaw were here to take care of us. You spent a lot of time in their laps the first few days. We started with you in the bassinet, but pretty soon you came into our bed and stayed there. It is an amazing feeling to look at you between us and know that Daddy and I made you out of our love.
You are so tiny. Some days I wish so hard that you won’t grow or change. You are so perfect and I don’t want to miss a second of it. Other days I can’t wait to see how you will grow and change. You are such an easy baby. We are really blessed. Daddy and I had agreed before you were born to try attachment parenting and I am really glad we did. We never let you cry if we can help it. If you cry, we pick you up right away and try to see what’s wrong.
You are so sweet and innocent. You hardly ever fuss and only do so when you need something. You are so cute. You turn bright red and cry when you poo. Other than that you are almost always content. You don’t like to be naked and so far you hate the bath. Daddy gets so nervous when we bathe you. It’s funny! You have big, curious eyes and you are very interested and alert during the four or so hours a day that you are actually awake. You recognize our voices and like to look at our faces. You love tummy time and like to sleep on your tummy when we let you. You often lie on Mommy or Daddy’s stomach. Daddy often wears you in the sling as well. You love to fall asleep nursing on Mommy’s lap.
I love to just look at you and stroke your soft skin. Your hair has the cutest cowlick at the front that makes a little curl. After I nurse you, your nose and mouth is often red and you have a milk mustache. It is so precious. You are warm and soft and smell so sweet. You love to be held and rocked and we love to do it.
I have never felt love the way I feel for you. You are the best, most pure, most perfect thing I have ever done. I will always love you unconditionally, no matter who you become. I will support you and adore you. You are my son. I love every bit of you from your head to your toes.