Migraine

We are living in a migraine world. Sam has been suffering for over a month. He's only made it to five full school days in a month. He has a headache almost every day. We've had an MRI, a neurology visit, several doctor visits, and three emergency room visits. We've totally hit our deductible.
We just can't kick the migraine. It's so awful to see your child in pain. Sam has good days. Great days like this weekend when he played and ran all day in the sunshine before the migraine closed in with night. But he hasn't played tennis in a month, or been able to make any of his guitar lessons. Some days he doesn't get out of his pajamas or his dark room.
The week we were in Texas he was better. He only had two migraines the whole time. That was a wonderful break. We don't know why it was better there. Our neurologist says it doesn't really matter. She feels that it is a genetic issue and that the most important thing is figuring out how to stop them.
At least we have a neurologist. We got in to see the head of the neurology headache clinic last Thursday. She sent Sam straight to the ER and mixed up an IV cocktail that actually worked. We were so over joyed! The headache was gone.
For 24 hours.
And then it came back.
And now I sit here in the ER again, watching Sam lie in the bed, in pain. I hate it so much.
Michael is out of town and I'm supposed to be at work. I snagged Davis out of school early and dropped him off at home alone. I can't tell you how much I wish we had family nearby. This is so hard to do all by myself. I wonder how long this will go on and if I will be able to keep my job. I love my job so much, but Sam is my priority.
I wonder if we will ever get these headaches gone and find a way to keep them gone.
I worry that Sam has gotten too far behind in school.
I worry that I'm leaving Davis alone too much.
I worry about leaving Sam at home with headache if I have to go into school to teach. I can't leave him alone.
I worry I've used up all the goodwill from the school for my frequent absences and my abusing the school nurse's office as a substitute for parental care.
I worry about all the drugs we are pumping into my baby.
I worry.
I know that here could be a lot of things more wrong. Migraines aren't going to kill him. Lots of kids have them. We aren't special.
But the lightness of being and joy that our whole family felt when we thought the last IV cocktail had fixed Sam was so amazing. We were so happy. But it didn't work. And we are disappointed. So there is that.
Send us some migraine vanquishing thoughts, okay?