So Far Apart, and Perception of Reality

I was talking to a friend who also has two small children very close together yesterday. I was telling her how even just having one child while the other was in school this week was so much easier! She agreed and mentioned how we never even notice how hard it is to have two small wee ones because we do it all the time.
She's right. We have adapted. We no longer notice the sacrifices and the strain. At least not all the time. Maybe in small moments when the effort exceeds our abilities or limits, but in general it is just part of life.
Sometimes when our bodies fail, or our spirits crash and we wonder why, we need someone to sit down and remind us that what we do IS hard. It's the hardest job most of us have ever had. Yes, it's rewarding, and yes it is what most of would choose to do again and again, but it is not easy.
I don't know why this seems like such a revolutionary concept to me. Michael is chafing at the bit to go back to work at the end of the weekend. He is often unhappy on a Sunday and wondering why his weekend wasn't as relaxing as a weekend is "supposed" to be. Somehow the daily life with the children has made this my normal. His working week has kept him from adapting as much to the difficulty of it all, so it is not quite his normal yet. And it isn't a knock to my husband. He's great with the kids, often volunteering to take them away on the weekends for me to have a rest and playing with them non stop. (course that may be why his weekends aren't relaxing! He doesn't know how to pace himself.) But that's not the point. It's a tangent. Sorry!
The point is that my perspective on "normal" life is changed. I am changed. I notice this most when I am with people who don't have children or who haven't had small children in a long time. The gulf is so wide between us that communication can be difficult.
They don't understand my devotion to schedule and my different priorities and the lack of focus. At least, they don't understand it intuitively. I remember back when I was a single woman, wishing my friends who had children would find more time away from their children so they could focus on our friendship and on me! That seems so ridiculous to me now. Where did I think they would find that time? And did I not wonder if maybe they wanted to spend that rare childless time Alone or with their partner?
And I can no longer intuitively imagine the freedom I used to have. To sleep until I woke up. To choose what I want to do on the weekends. To follow my own wants and desires. To put myself first.
But is it some weird psychology that makes it okay? Better than okay? At least for me, it must be. I wouldn't change my job for anything. Of course, if I had unlimited funds, I might go out in the evenings more often or vacation more, but since that isn't happening, I'm happy where I am.
I think this post is about how far apart I am in my own perception of life from the me I was before I had children. I think all life is is perception. Who and what and where we perceive we are in relation to all else. And my perception right now is who I am and it's currently making me happy, even though in reality, where I am is really hard. And usually my perception of happiness carries me through the day. And sometimes my physical body reminds me that perception is not enough and I have to take a break. And my own perception and reality keeps me in a different place now than I used to be or that a lot of other people around me are in. And sometimes that 's a struggle. For a lot of reasons.
And for now I can occasionally get a glimpse through the fog of my own reality and see that there is a great divide. And I can stretch to connect across it because I know it is important. I know that this is temporary and that the divide will close and that someday soon I will once again easily connect to those who are in such a different place than I am now. That I will grow and learn and change and see things differently again with a new perception.
I am spiritually and emotionally evolving and this is my world. It's a wild ride and I'm lonely sometimes and tired sometimes. My children are currently pushing me through my evolution and I'm living that in every breath and in every moment.
A wandering blog post, huh? Sorry. It's something I'm trying to work through in my mind. Maybe later I can write a more cohesive post about the same topic.
What do you think of all of this?