Living in Munchkinland

We are not having happy hour today. Because we are not happy. Things are hard around here and we are tired. We may pour a glass of wine, but it will be a gathering hour, not a happy one. Though my mama would say that if you choose to be happy, then you will be. Sigh. I'll get to working on that. Damn Buddhist. ;) Things are hard around here, but it is still business as usual. We just need to make time and space in our lives to be in the now. Now is the time to gather with the family and share thoughts and memories. It is the time to choose to be private. It is the time to hold each other and support each other and love each other. It is the time to remember stories and share them. It is time to hold them close. We pour our strength and love into the universe. Join us.

They cancelled the Food and Wine Festival because of the rain. We've had rain. Lots of rain, but I was still heartbroken. We called and cancelled our Driskill reservation but because it wasn't 72 hours advance notice, they weren't going to give us back out suite upgrade. I called the Hyatt Lost Pines and they said they would honor our suite reservation and move us over there. Woohoo! I wasn't sure I wanted to go. I have a LOT going on at home and escaping for the weekend seemed very not right. But my mom told me stop sitting around being morbid and go spend time with my own family. So I did. But I still felt guilty. Guilty with a capital G. To go along with the capital U type of Upset I've been going around feeling. But we went. And we had an absolutely lovely time. We had a fancy dinner with well behaved children and a movie on the lawn on Friday. We had a tennis lesson and then a day at the pool on Saturday followed by a bike ride, bocce ball, an...

He fixed it! I now have silver hair and I love it. It is exactly what I wanted. I feel pretty again.

We had a lovely spring weekend. It was a weekend that makes me seriously regret our choice to move. On Friday the kids had field day. I drove up to the school and watched the kids play out side. All the fifth graders from Lion King were so happy to see me and all the third grade girls were so excited to touch my purple hair. I met my mom for lunch at our favorite little Mexican seafood restaurant after I left the school. It was so fun to have a lunch date with her. That evening we drove to New Braunfels for the CASA fundraiser. It was a really fun Italian theme and we had a good time with Martha and Clark, Alex and Tom. Martha won the "heads or tails" game and gave us the yeti cooler that was the prize!!!! Saturday morning, Michael's cousin Erin texted us and asked if we were up for a visit. We said sure and she and her family came down to visit. Michael's parents came too and we had a lovely play date on the ranch with fishing in our pond and letting ...

It is not supposed to be purple. This was not my choice. I wanted silver. I wanted this: I'm over 50% gray now and I love this color so much. I went for my third and hopefully final hair color appointment at my salon on Thursday. He suggested that I add a bit of violet to counteract the blonde and give it a lavender tone. I said yes. When he rinsed my color out, he warned me not to panic. He told he was kicking himself about adding the Violet. He told me to let him dry it first because it would lighten when it wasn't wet. He blew dry my hair. When I looked in the mirror, I saw this: I screwed up my courage and told him it was too purple. He took me back to the bowl and tried rinsing the color out. It only worked a tiny bit. I was told there was nothing else to do about it. So my hair is purple and there is nothing I can do about it. I've been washing and washing my hair and it's lightened some, but it is still very purple. I hate it so much. This ...

Davis celebrated his 11th birthday last Saturday. We decorated the living room with balloons and streamers. Samuel woke up before D and made him breakfast. Then he hid behind the couch ready to shout happy birthday when Davis appeared. He loves holidays and his brother so much. Davis was thrilled, of course. We had breakfast and he opened a few presents before heading off to school. I picked up fruit kolaches at lunchtime and took them to the school. I sat with Davis at lunch and then we went to his classroom to handout kolaches. The kids all sang happy birthday to him and he was thrilled. That evening after school, we had family happy hour on the ranch. We went to my parents' house early and decorated. My mom made a bunch of pizzas and I brought a pumpkin pie (Davis's request) and an apple pie and whipped cream. GG and Martha and Clark and Uncle Larry and Aunt Joyce and various caregivers were all there and we celebrated Davis. He opened more presents and we ...

April. For me this month is all about death and taxes. So fun. My dad has Lewy Body. My gramp has Lewy Body. We are losing both of them to that terrible disease. Dementia and dementia related diseases are in the news all the time these days. They talk and talk about the mental and financial stresses that those diseases take on the caregiver. They don't talk about how to handle the grief that comes for so long before you actually lose someone. My sister and I have lost our father even though he is still here. My mom has lost her husband. We've been grieving this loss for ten years. The last couple of years as my dad has been in serious decline, we have been grieving even more. I miss my dad so much. I miss him and my heart is broken. It is broken and it feels like there is no space for me to grieve. He is still with us in body. There has been no funeral. Life goes on. His long, slow battle with dementia has been going on for so long that it has become a way...